In the fog

This morning when I got up. I was sitting at my desk in my house and glanced out the window to see it was a beautifully foggy day. The view from my window was of the trees in my backyard and beyond (the tips of trees from several neighboring yards to the east). It was so beautiful the way the deep green trees closest to me seemed to fade the further away they got. And out there somewhere beyond the fog I knew there were more, many more. I love ironic scenes like this. So much so that I wish I could draw or paint worth a damn.

Anyway, I guess it all boils down to perspective. I decided to Google "can't see the trees through the fog". Ok so I got it a little wrong but Mr. Google knew what I meant. I went to a document that had the following Bible passage on it. Now for those of you who don't know my history, I was raised Catholic and when to Catholic school for 6 years. And not that that is the reason I shun most religions, but I tend to be one of those people who likes to stay neutral and live and let live. Not only that, but I despise anyone or anything that tells me "it's my way or the high way." Just ask my parents. ;-). Anyway, here is it. I love it. I love it because it gives me hope and direction. Two things most human beings need to find their way in the world. Ok back to work!

"Can’t See the Forest for the Trees"
Bible passage: I Corinthians 13:12-13 (The Message)

"We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long beforethe weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then; see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowingGod just as God knows us.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

Getting Old

"This is getting old" sort of sums up my week. The *company* I work for announced yet another major reorg. And once again my job seems to be safe for now, which in the current economy I am grateful for. But after 11 years, 8 of which have been been spent going through layoffs and reorgs it gets a little old after a while. But if anything it has taught me how to adjust and get creative.

The vet called about the cyst on Ben's elbow. Ben is my 13 year old black Labrador retriever who I adore. The good news is it's not cancer but the bad news is in order to remove the fast growing tumor they would need to do surgery and radiation (3x a week for 10 weeks) and there is no guarantee it wont' come back or that he would even survive the surgery. And then of course there are several complications not to mention the pain and discomfort of recovery after the operation. Oh and did I mention the cost? About $5000 for an operation that won't prolong his life or make him any better off than he is right now. The good news is that right now the tumor is relatively small and not causing him any pain. However, it will grow rapidly to the size of a football or bigger. At that point he will be in pain because the large mass will start to pull and stretch the muscle, etc. So the hubby and I agreed that we weren't going to put him through surgery. So we can only hope that the tumor doesn't grow as fast as they say it will. Because as soon as he is in pain, that is when we will have to say goodbye to our sweet Benny boy. Anything else would be selfish. I can't imagine him not being part of our family and I dread the pain it will cause my children and husband, not to mention his buddy Hogan (my 12 year old yellow lab). But we will cross that bridge when we get there. For now, I will enjoy him completely.

My grandmother is 82 years old and not doing well these days. Up until this point she has been as healthy as an ox. But a series of infections, a stroke, negative reactions to medicines, lack of appetite and macular degeneration that is robbing her of sight she is growing weaker regardless of the unyielding effort of my mother to keep her alive. Like my dog Ben, no one wants to see the ones they love suffer. So although I will miss my grandma when she is not walking the earth, I hope that she only continues to stay here with us as long as she is happy and healthy and not a minute more.

Old news, old dogs and old ladies. Sounds like a song.

Tag your it!

Oh cripes, I just realized that I was tagged and never tagged anyone back! My bad. Sorry Anna! Anyway, I was tagged for the first time by my dear friend Anna. I guess this makes me a Tag Virgin. So exciting!!!

Here are the rules:

• Link to the person who tagged you.
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Share six (6) non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. I think that you can share things that you love!
• Tag at least 3 people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
• Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Six Things About Me:

1. I love to golf when I have the time, although I'm not very good.
2. I have grown to hate cooking. But I make a mean cocktail. In a past life I think I was a mixologist.
3. In my house, I'm known as the SBD (silent but deadly) Queen.
4. I love to organize stuff. I like buying gadgets, boxes and bins. I'm not afraid to use a label maker.
5. I am a social butterfly who loves a good party. The more the merrier!
6. My greatest challenge and reward is raising my two daughters and my greatest accomplishment is marrying my husband. 13 years last month! We shall call him, Saint Geoff. ;-)

The people that I would like to tag are Katrina, Gina M., and Heather. I hope that you all accept the challenge!

Hump Day and Home Alone

Up at 6:30am. Pretty quiet day at work. Not a hundred million emails like normal. Still several meetings. All fairly productive actually. Surprise! The economy bites and no one is sure of anything. Geoff picks the kids up from school and Claire and I head off to math tutor. It's her last session before her tutor goes out on maternity leave to have her third child. They work on telling time, money and multiplication. Claire is doing well with all. We leave Camryn at home alone. Sort of a new Independence she has. Still testing out the waters. I call her from the car to check in. She is fine. All her homework is done and she is watching the Disney Channel. Claire and I get home and head over to the neighbors for cocktails and dinner. Our usual. I love this neighborhood. Hump Day = Apple Martini. Duh. Anyway, Geoff knocks on the door at 8pm and finishes the left overs. Pasta, salad and bread. We all watch the end of the World Series. I can't get past the players spitting big lewgies everywhere, but I think the Phillie's win. Piggy back rides home. Quick Blog. Off to bed. Night Night.

Paws to Read

Fly out of bed at 5:58am for a 6am IA and Governance meeting. Scattered meetings throughout the day. Worked on redesigning a website and then fixed some validation issues on a web form I've been building. After testing it several times I actually got it to work.

I leave at 11:15am for a brow and bikini wax. Ouch. It never fails that she always leaves some residual dark green wax stuck to my surviving pubic hairs. Rubbing alcohol does the trick unless I'm unlucky enough to have the wax stick to my underwear and then look out! Anyway, I enjoy catching up with my cosmetologist. I have been getting facials, massages and waxing from her for about 16 years. She's good people.

Back to work and then call the bank to find out what the balance is on my student loans. I make a payment online and that's a done deal. No more school for now. I sort of miss it. But my life without it is just more serene. The kids need me around. And they are more important.

The husband picks up the kids from school and just about that time Grandma (my Mom) shows up to help with homework and take Camryn to Ballet. She reports that T-Bone (my Grandma) is not doing so well. She was diagnosed with macular degeneration and has recently lost almost all of her sight. But despite the setback she still manages to take all poker winnings from the old folks at the senior center.

My mom takes Camryn to dance at 4pm and the hubby is off to a sales appointment. I finish up working while Claire dances in the playroom. Oh crap. I almost forget to pick up Camryn from dance at 5pm. She doesn't wait long. Whew. That was close. The girls want ice cream of course but we haven't even had dinner yet. I negotiate dinner first then we'll drive by the dairy for frosty's. It's a deal. At home Claire and I build a fort and then I start cooking dinner. Some frozen bag thingy with chicken and pasta. Steamed carrots and toast. Not bad. But not great. It's food. Then off we go to get ice cream, birthday cards and poster boards for the school carnival this saturday. We get home and Geoff reminds us that we signed up for Paws to Read tonight and it starts in 20 minutes! Hurry, grab some books and out the door we go again.

Paws to Read is a program they do at the library where elementary school children read to dogs. It used to be only for children who were "at risk" or needed reading help. But now they offer it to everyone on a first come first serve basis. Claire got a golden retriever named Dave. He fell asleep while she was reading. But that was ok with her. Camryn got a chocolate lab that only had one eye. They loved it.

We all drive home and Camryn starts working on her poster for the carnival and I watch Desperate Housewives on Tivo. It's hard to watch TV in this house because there are so many interruptions. That's why I'm asking Santa Claus for a flat screen, DVD player and tivo box for my (our) bedroom. Oh yeah, and a lock on my door.

I wash my face and put some charcoal mask stuff between my eyebrows to suck up the oil in my skin. Because whenever I get my eyebrows waxed I breakout really bad and usually end up with a third eye. Not pretty. Now it's late and time for bed. Geoff walks by as I am typing this blog in my dark office because the light bulb burned out. The funny thing is I have my hair up, glasses on and the black charcoal mask I put between my eyebrows is now a gray glob of crust between my eyes. I'm too sexy for my....husband apparently, because I can hear him and the two dogs snoring in the other room. Sigh.

Grand Slam for Cam!

While Geoff and I were at the 49r game (with Carol and Chuck) watching them lose to the Eagles, Camryn was hitting a Grand Slam at her last softball game of the season (fall ball). One of the runs she hit in was her sister! Grandma was there to see the whole thing. Did I mention, they were playing the best team in the league and it was the last inning with 2 outs!!!!

After not doing what she considered her personal best at the softball tryouts last week, I think this is just the boost Camryn needed to prove to her what a great player she is and what she can do. Way to go Cam!

Back to work I go…And off to Disneyland for Camryn's 10th birthday on Wednesday. Yippy!

My head hurts

Up at 5am again.

Meetings scheduled all day. First one starts at 6am. Oh it's cancelled. Lovely. So I got up at 5am for nothing?

I went for a walk with my neighbor Leann at 9:30am (super hot & sweaty). I like her alot. It's so nice to be able to talk to someone who you can be totally honest with and who is honest back. We talk about how we feel crazy and just "not right" sometimes. Snapping at our kids and husbands for no apparent reason. And for some reason when other people admit they are totally fucked in the head too...it makes me feel better. Misery loves company or...if you feel like that and I respect and admire you then I must be ok too. Yeah that's it. Anyway, pretty basic work day.

Go pick up the kids at 2:35pm at school. Home for a quick snack and then off to the math tutor for Claire.

Camryn and I sit in the car in the hot sun outside the tutors house in Danville doing homework and figuring out how to work Claire's new Nintendo DS. And then here they come.

Claire has a headache and stomach ache and has been to the bathroom three times during the hour lesson. She complained her tummy hurt on Tuesday (2nd day of school) and then stayed home on Friday for the same reason. My diagnosis is that she is obsessed with getting sick (throwing up) and is so afraid of it that she makes herself sick. The funny thing is she never has this problem while watching TV, or having a play date or really anytime during the summer. I took her to the pediatrician on Friday because I wasn't sure how to handle her hysterical behavior or complete paranoia of being sick at school.

There are alot of details I'm leaving out here but this has been going on off and on since the end of last year. At this point I'm not sure what to do. We started out with the normal parent reaction..."Quit faking. Your not sick. Your going to school!" Then I actually thought something might be wrong with her physically so I took her to the doctor. Then recently I Googled some obsessive child behavior and thought she might be OCD. But after talking to the pediatrician and her teacher last week she doesn't seem to posses all of the OCD characteristics. Thank God. Anyway, it's obviously mental. Meaning she is stressing herself out about school work, or friends or whatever to the point that she is making herself sick. Whether the illness is in her mind or not I am totally incapable of fixing this problem. So I think I will call and make an appointment to have my 8 year old speak with a counselor. Oh boy.

Came home and finished homework. Claire read a book to me. Junie B. Geoff and I made dinner together while the girls watched the Disney Channel. We all ate together and then watched the Republican National Convention and listened to the speech of the first female Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Although I am an Obama supporter and will probably vote against her, I was really impressed with Mrs. Palin's speech. She seemed really spunky and feisty. Not afraid to ruffle feathers. I thought she was a great speaker and McCain himself could learn a thing or two from her. Anyway, I don't much trust politicians no matter what kind of panties they wear. But on the surface -- she seemed alright.

Time for bed. Working in San Ramon tomorrow. We'll see if Claire makes it through a school day without any issues.

Off to bed I go.

Final last words: Some day I will get paid to write.